From Surviving to Thriving!

Ventral Vagal Connection- “Home”

In a world where we are being pulled in so many directions, where what we should be feels so heavy, we can’t even breathe and where busyness is a sign of status, it is hard to slow down, to stop and connect and to listen to the quiet whisperings from within.

In February 2023 I opened my new play space, I wrote my first blog and I started a Facebook page. I began the newest journey for Healing Hands Help Hearts with new play therapy clients and a drive to change the world with new programs for adults.

By April, I was exhausted. I felt I had failed. My therapeutic book club didn’t get off the ground, I couldn’t get my retreats up and running and I had to step back from working with a school. It seemed I had just started and it was already falling apart. All my old stories came knocking at the door- you are not enough they called, you have failed again they said, not worthy they chanted, why do you think you can help anyone, you can’t even help yourself, they laughed.

I could feel the old pull, sliding down into the depths of despair. To a place I have been many times. My home away from home, Deb Dana would call it. To dorsal vagal shut down, collapse, the blind walking through life that so many of us do. Just surviving, never thriving.

But this time I was determined to write a new story. See over the last 3 years I have been on a journey of self-discovery. To be honest this search has been happening all my life. But during COVID it hit super speed and over the last 3 years, I have gone deeper than I ever thought I would. I have laughed and cried, screamed and been silent, I have gone inward and turned outward, and that was all in an hour ?.

I feel like up until this year I was just shifting trauma, moving stuck and stagnant energy and diving into who I am, who I want to be and why. I spent time getting myself out of survival mode (regulating), finding safety within my body and mind and making sense of my experiences and integrating them (paralleling what we do in play therapy). I thought I had it, I thought I was there, and in April it felt like it was imploding in front of me.

But instead of drinking my blues away, instead of numbing the pain and shutting down, I stood up, took a breathe and looked inside myself. I journalled and I meditated and I did breathwork. I centered and grounded and I took time to stop, to recharge and to reset. I connected with a breathwork coach and I dived into a polyvagal course about befriending my nervous system. I leant on people I trusted and I opened myself to the vulnerability of asking for help and telling people I was struggling. I reassessed what was important and I gave myself and my business the time and space we needed.

So here I am in June, almost at Winter Solstice, the day of the last new moon before the shortest day of the year, and I feel this peace and balance. I have been seeing the beauty and joy in the world. I have been smiling and laughing and it has touched my soul. Something, until now I didn’t realise I was missing. I was surviving, always in protection, very rarely in true connection, least of all with myself!

So what you may say, why are you telling us this you chorus, what does this have to do with me you shout. My answer absolutely nothing and absolutely everything. We are all intricately connected in this world and while what I do or don’t do doesn’t affect you directly, the ripples can trickle out for miles. What I have realised is that to change the world, to make a difference, to help people, first I need to help myself. I need to first connect to self, to then be able to connect to other. When I show myself compassion and love and kindness, the compassion and love and kindness I show others is ten fold. When I know myself, my ability to give, to be a regulating presence and to shine light where there is dark- is magnified.

So, as I sign off here, (on my first dip back into the blog world, my brave act for today, shedding the fear and stepping into the brave and courageous), may you feel seen, heard and understood. May you know that you are not alone. May you know you are worthy. May you find a glimmer of hope to bring you home. May you feel my co-regulating energy stretching across the screen from me to you and may you feel a micro-moment of connection and joy, because that’s where it starts.

My journey is not over and I am sure there will be more stumbles along the way but one thing I am sure of……….THE BEST IS YET TO COME!

Stay tuned for more blog posts on The Autonomic Nervous System, and how most of us are stuck in survival mode- protection not connection, plus much more!

For more information or to be a part of the Healing Hands Help Hearts Community please e-mail alana@healinghandshelphearts.com.au with the subject line Blog Community and I will add you to the e-mail list.

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