Wholehearted Living!

Hi Blog Community,

I just wanted to send you a little update to reflect on term 1, check in and wish you all a happy Easter and holiday break. 

Term 1 has been a roller coaster of a ride for me, I’m not going to lie.  All started well but by the end of February the wheels were starting to fall off- not for me and my family (well inadvertently for me and my family)- but for our extended families.  Anyway, I won’t go into details but with some challenging news- on both my husband’s extended family and mine-, covid and now an Achilles injury, I am grateful for the circuit breaker of holidays.  I would like to take this opportunity to apologise for not having any blog posts for the last month.  I have tried to manage as best I can but have used what energy I have had to support my clients – which often meant there was no room left for anything else- including the blog. 

When I have so much going on in my life and find it overwhelming and exhausting it always makes me reflect on how much we expect of our kiddos (and to be honest ourselves) when they are going through just as much.  Sometimes the world can be a tricky place- more often than not at the moment (it feels like anyway) and we expect our kids to continue on like nothing is happening. To be happy, brave and content, to do what we ask when we ask it, to be kind and courteous always, to remember to do every little thing we ask them, to listen and learn, to manage all of these things with ease the list goes on and on.  We expect all of this of our kids when often us adults can’t manage these things.  I think we all need to give ourselves, our children and the people we encounter a little more grace, compassion, love and kindness.  We are all fighting inner and outer demons- just some people are managing better than others (or faking/masking it better).  Something for you to ponder, anyway. 

When we are tired, overwhelmed, stressed, anxious, worried, afraid, unwell, hungry, thirsty, need to go to the toilet etc our window of tolerance is smaller, our ability to manage everyday demands shrinks, our capacity to think, problem solve, make decisions, give ourselves what we need, grow, learn, play, communicate, manage our emotions and so much more is compromised.  Everything feels harder, takes more time and energy and tires us out more.  Our kids are exactly the same.  You know the 0-100 in 3.5 seconds (for yourself or the kids), the not wanting to get out of bed, the can’t be bothered or the can’t stop, the whinging and whining, that lack of ability to verbalise needs and wants.  These are all signs of dysregulation and an overwhelmed nervous system- for us or our kiddos or the people we meet.  At these times we need to lower our expectations, we need to move our body in ways that feel good, we need to use our body language and tone to create safety (words don’t matter), we need to create as much safety with context and choice as we can and most of all we need a co-regulating partner to support us.  These are times when we need compassion, love, support, kindness and grace the most.  And we need to give it to ourselves as much as each other.

So this leads me onto my news.  The blog is on hiatus for the time being and I am removing myself from social media- which to be honest is only Facebook and not really used that much- but hopefully it shows you how I am giving myself grace, compassion and boundaries- to model to you how I am supporting myself so that maybe you can do the same for yourselves.  So no more blog at the moment.  If at any time I feel inspired to write, I will.  But, it will be on my terms.  I may send out information on upcoming programs, but I may not as well- time will tell.  This is to take one less thing off my agenda, to lower the expectations I have on myself and to ensure I have time and space for what I need time and space for- the things that light me up and fill my bucket.   

On the Facebook front- I will be deleting my account- both business and personal.  I hate social media. I must admit I was addicted to the endless scrolling and the fake connection and the drama and FOMO- but a few years back I deleted my account and my mental health and wellbeing was better for it. I reluctantly signed back up for business and personal reasons but I feel it sapping the life out of me and again I am choosing light, love and cup filling over supposed to’s, numbing and fear.  I can already feel the lightness just knowing I am doing this.

I’m not saying you need to delete your social media and stop doing things- no far from it.  If these things light you up and fill you with joy and gratitude- go right ahead.  What I am suggesting is taking inventory of the things that no longer serve you.  What drains you? What keeps you in surviving instead of thriving?  What keeps you small and little?  What stops you from shining your light?  Even if you remove one of these things your mental health and wellbeing will be better for it.  I’m not saying it will be easy, but neither is staying the same.  Neither is running from your true authentic self-due to should and supposed to, fear and scarcity. 

I am on a journey of whole hearted living.  A journey to be the best version of me. To be my most authentic self.  To be brave and vulnerable, courageous and compassionate- to self and other. I want to join Brene Brown in the arena  with a face marred by dust and sweat and blood. I want to strive valiantly, err and come up short again and again.  Because I know there is no effort without error, no joy without sorrow, no success without failure and no health without illness. Because as Mark Twain says “there is always going to be suffering. it’s how you look at your suffering, how you deal with it, that will define you.”  So, I am using my suffering to change things, to set boundaries, to lower my expectation, to show self-compassion and grace.  I will use these things to help me live more whole heartedly, to continue to wake to the beauty of life- because when you numb yourself to the pain, you also numb yourself of the joy and beauty too. 

I invite you on this journey with me.  I invite you to take stock, to check in and to do one thing to move in the direction you want.  If you would like to complete Brenen Browns Whole Hearted Inventory you can find it here Wholehearted Inventory – The Gifts Hub | Brené Brown (brenebrown.com) I have also attached the guideposts, above, for your perusal.  I also love the The Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto – Brené Brown (brenebrown.com).

So for now it is see you later.   I would like to take this opportunity to wish you all an Easter filled with love, connection, joy and micro moments of ventral vagal connection.  Often the holiday period can create anxiety and fear in us and our kiddos.  Have lots of self-compassion and gratitude for yourself and your nervous system for keeping you safe (even when it doesn’t feel like it) and find lots of ways to bring a smile to your face, a feeling of peace into your body and moments of connection that fill you up.

I look forward to connecting with you all again when the timing is right

God speed

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